The generational breakdown is wild. Millennials lead at 37%, Gen X drops to 25%, and Boomers barely register at 5%. But the real surprise? Gen Z adults (ages 18-28) sext the least of all young adults at just 20%. Turns out, being phone-native doesn't mean you're automatically good at digital intimacy.

We think about this paradox a lot at Melba. Phones have complicated sexual wellness in many ways: infinite porn access, comparison culture, the pressure to perform. But technology can also enhance intimacy when used intentionally. The same device that scrolls Instagram for hours can also create private channels for desire, anticipation, and connection between partners. It's all about how you use it.

And when people do sext, most stick to the basics: simple "I want you" texts or the occasional pic. Only 12% of married couples have ever sent nude photos. Most keep it to words.

Which means there's a massive opportunity to get more creative. Sexting is an art, not a formula.

Why most people don't sext (and why that makes sense)

First there are many legitimate reasons why 60% of long term couples don't do it. Maybe you're not sure your partner can safely receive a sexy message right now (are they in a meeting? showing someone their phone?). Maybe you're worried about rejection or that it'll land wrong. Or maybe you're justifiably concerned about data privacy: once something's digital, you lose control of where it goes.

All of these concerns are valid. Sexting requires trust, timing, and a level of vulnerability that not everyone is comfortable with.

But if you've established that it's safe and wanted between you and your partner, here are some ways to make it more interesting than the standard script.

Three ways to sext that don't require Shakespeare-level writing

Here are three progressively bolder approaches. Start wherever feels right. The point is to spark something, not to perform.

Option 1: Mysterious photos

Skip the usual naked selfie. Instead, send photos that suggest rather than show:

A photo of your body's shadow cast on the wall or bed. Spark imagination without giving everything away.

A photo of your "sexy kit" laid out for the evening: toys, lingerie, lube, whatever you're planning. The anticipation does the work.

A photo of the effect your partner has on you: rumpled sheets, your flushed face, evidence that you've been thinking about them.

These work because they require your partner to fill in the gaps. You're inviting them into a story, not just sending documentation.

Option 2: Countdown scene

This one takes more commitment but builds serious heat. The structure: share an erotic scenario from start to finish before you see each other.

First, picture a scene. Either replay your last time together or imagine something you want to try. Get specific: where you are, what you're wearing, how it starts.

Then, 30 minutes before you meet, start texting. Every minute (30, 29, 28) send one line describing how the scene unfolds. "We undress." Then a minute later: "I push you against the wall." Then: "Your breathing changes."

Keep going. Don't rush. Let the tension build with the countdown.

By the time you actually see each other, you've already lived through the entire encounter in your heads. The reunion will be charged.

Option 3: Sensual soliloquy

This is the most advanced version. It requires confidence and a willingness to lead.

Call your partner. Ask them to stay quiet while you talk. Then describe (in real time) an erotic scenario you'd like to try with them. Every detail, every sensation, every moment.

The key: focus on sensory details. What you feel (heat, pressure, texture). What you hear (breathing, sounds, words). What you taste. What you're thinking in that moment. Move through the experience like you're narrating a memory.

This works because it removes the pressure of reciprocation. One person holds the narrative. The other just listens and reacts. It's intimate without requiring performance from both sides.

Cheat code: If you're not confident improvising, try this: open Melba and play one of the solo audio sessions. Read the script out loud to your partner over the phone. The episodes are already written with sensory detail and pacing built in, so you can just follow along. It's like having an intimacy coach write your sexting for you.

Lower the stakes

You're not trying to write erotica here. You're just trying to build some erotic tension.

Sexting requires a vulnerability that feels unnatural if you're not practiced at it. That's okay.

Dealing with awkardness is a skill sexually confidednt couples build with practice. You're supposed to feel a little ridiculous. That's how you know you're trying something new.

Start with the version that feels least intimidating. Send a shadow photo. Use words only. Whatever gets you out of doomscroll and into your partner.

References

Stasko, E., & Geller, P. A. (2024). Adult sexting behavior and attitudes. Drexel University study, as reported in Los Angeles Times.

What's The Big Data. (2024). Sexting Statistics 2024: How common is it for people to sext?

Survey Center on American Life. (2023). From Swiping to Sexting: The Enduring Gender Divide in American Dating and Relationships

McDaniel, B. T., & Drouin, M. (2015). Sexting Among Married Couples: Who Is Doing It, and Are They More Satisfied? Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, 18(11), 628-634. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4642829/

Bedbible.com via Statista. (2023). Share of respondents who have sent, received or shared a sext in the United States from 2000 to 2023

Enterprise Apps Today. (2024). Social Media Relationship Statistics 2024

Pleaze Me. (2024). Sexting Statistics 2025: Latest Trends, Facts & Numbers