But first, what Is Melba?

Melba is an app with guided audio experiences for couples.

You press play and a voice leads you both through a spicy session designed by experts.

We like to think of it as “Hands-on Sex Ed” or a “Real-Time Foreplay Coach.”

Browse a catalog with hundreds of episodes. Choose one that matches your mood or curiosity. Listen on speakers or headphones. Follow the step-by-step voice instructions together, with the freedom to go off-script whenever you want.

  • Themes ranging from romantic, playful, kinky, and fantasy scenarios.
  • Most sessions last about 30 minutes.

With more than one million users and hundreds of in-depth interviews with couples, plus our own internal data on desires and behaviors, we've seen the same pattern again and again: couples don't just need more information they need guided, real-time support that helps them feel present, playful, and safe enough to try something new. In this article, we explain what science says about how to thrive and how Melba can help you.

1. Presence & Your Nervous System Decide Your Pleasure (Not Just Your Libido)

Across 50+ years of research, one theme appears again and again:

Attention—not libido—is the foundation of desire.

But attention isn’t just a mindset. It’s a nervous-system state.

According to the Dual Control Model of sexual response, arousal is controlled by two systems: (The Pyott Lab)

  • Excitation (the gas pedal)
  • Inhibition (the brake)

Most long-term couples don’t have weak “gas pedals.” They have overactive brakes:

  • stress
  • multitasking
  • kids, work, and mental load
  • body insecurity
  • performance pressure
  • routine
  • zero transition time between “doing life” and “having sex”

Modern neuroscience and polyvagal theory suggest we need to move from normal → calm → open → aroused for sex to feel good. (SpringerLink)

That’s where presence comes in.

How Melba helps here

Melba’s guided sessions are built to shift your state, not just your attitude:

  • The voice slows you down, tells you when to breathe, when to pause, when to notice your partner.
  • You don’t have to think about what to say or do next—cognitive load drops, and your brake system can relax.
  • You’re nudged into eye contact, touch, breath, small gestures—things that signal safety to the nervous system.

And because many couples are busy and exhausted, we also normalize scheduling sex as a tool, not a failure. Studies and clinicians increasingly point out that planning intimacy can help couples protect erotic time, increase anticipation, and maintain connection in long-term relationships. (Healthshots)

In short: when your brain, body and calendar are all on board, desire has a much better chance.

2. Sensate Focus, Foreplay & Technique: Why “More (and Better) Foreplay” Works

In the 1960s, Masters & Johnson developed sensate focus, a therapeutic method used worldwide to rebuild intimacy and desire. It remains one of the most effective, evidence-based approaches available. (The Pyott Lab)

If the names seem familiar, you might remember them from the series Masters of Sex—a fictionalized version of these real-life researchers.

Sensate focus works because it:

  • encourages non-demand touch
  • slows couples down enough to actually feel
  • removes pressure and performance expectations
  • teaches people to notice sensations rather than judge them
  • decreases anxiety (a major inhibitor of arousal)

But there’s another layer the research has made really clear in the last decade:

It’s not just that you do foreplay, it’s how long you stay there and how much variety you bring in.

What the pleasure science says

Large-scale studies (including work with the OMGYes team) show that women report more satisfying sex and more orgasms when: (Medical Xpress)

  • they experience multiple types of stimulation in the same encounter (kissing, manual, oral, penetration, toys, etc.),
  • partners use specific techniques and gestures (changes in angle, pressure, rhythm, pairing clitoral and internal stimulation),
  • sex lasts long enough for all of that to actually happen,
  • and there’s ongoing attention to the clitoris, not just “foreplay → penetration → done.”

The Second OMGYes Pleasure Report surveyed over 3,000 U.S. women and named four now-famous penetration-enhancing techniques—Angling, Rocking, Shallowing, and Pairing—which most women reported using to make penetration more pleasurable. (Medical Xpress)

Another national study found that women who orgasm more often with partners are more likely to:

  • receive more oral sex
  • have longer sessions
  • switch positions more
  • use toys or anal stimulation
  • act out fantasies
  • and communicate about what they want. (SpringerLink)

Basically: more foreplay, more techniques, more variety = more orgasms and more satisfaction.

How Melba helps here

Melba doesn’t just talk about foreplay. It restructures the entire encounter around it:

  • Many sessions spend the majority of time in non-penetrative touch.
  • We guide specific techniques, gestures, angles, pressure changes and tempo shifts inspired by the emerging pleasure research.
  • We don’t treat foreplay as something you rush through at the start. We weave it in and out of the sessions—before, during and after penetration (if you choose to include it).

So you’re not just told “foreplay matters.”

You’re literally coached through better, longer, more varied foreplay—which is exactly what the data says closes the orgasm gap.

3. Sex Is a Place You Go (And Melba Helps You Get There)

As Esther Perel famously puts it:

“Sex is not just something you do. Sex is a place you go.” (Men's Health)

It’s a psychological space: a place of play, curiosity, power, tenderness, surrender, or mischief. For many long-term couples, the problem isn’t that they’ve stopped caring—it’s that they can’t reliably find that place anymore between school runs, Slack messages and laundry.

Research on eroticism and fantasy shows that when we engage imagination—not just touch—desire gets a huge boost. (Men's Health)

How Melba helps you “go there”

Melba acts like a portal into that erotic space:

  • A voice sets the scene and gives your brain permission to switch modes.
  • You’re invited into light scenarios (not heavy role-play homework) that feel playful rather than cringey.
  • The structure creates just enough distance from everyday life for desire to breathe again.

For many couples, this is the missing piece: they don’t just need ideas; they need a guided transition into a different state and story.

4. Novelty & Surprise

One of the most robust findings in sex and reward science is that novelty wakes up the brain. Dopamine systems tag new or unexpected experiences as “worth paying attention to,” which boosts motivation, curiosity and wanting. (ScienceDirect)

But here’s the key:

Novelty doesn’t have to be extreme to work. In long-term relationships, “small new” beats “big scary.”

Research on orgasm frequency also shows that women who orgasm more are usually doing a wider variety of things in bed: deep kissing, manual stimulation, oral sex, varied positions, sexy talk, trying fantasies, sometimes anal play—not just one scripted routine. (SpringerLink)

How Melba builds gentle novelty in

Melba introduces micro-novelties and tiny surprises throughout a session:

  • a new way to touch the same body part
  • a different pacing or countdown
  • a change in who is giving vs receiving
  • a new focus (e.g., hands, breath, voice, eyes)
  • a subtle twist in the storyline

You’re never pushed into something wild you didn’t sign up for. Instead, you get just enough new to interrupt routine and re-ignite curiosity—within a container that feels safe.

For long-term couples stuck in “we do the same three things every time,” this is often what brings desire back online.

5. Fantasy Adds Depth

Justin Lehmiller’s research with over 4,000 people found that 97%+ of participants reported sexual fantasies, and that these fantasies are often about connection, power, exploration and identity—not just “shock value.” (Tandfonline)

Similarly, writers like Nicoletta (Le) Shaw explore fantasies as symbolic stories—ways our psyche plays with longing, safety, transgression and transformation.

The point isn’t that you have to “live out” every fantasy in real life. It’s that:

engaging with fantasy gives sex more meaning, not just more stimulation.

How Melba uses fantasy

Melba uses light, guided fantasy elements to add psychological depth without making things heavy or unsafe:

  • the idea of a third person joining you
  • being watched (or just feeling seen)
  • a new location or atmosphere
  • gentle power-play or role shifts

The key word is suggestion. You can always say no, pause, or skip anything that doesn’t feel like you.

This lets couples explore the pattern of fantasy—anticipation, curiosity, emotional meaning—without having to reveal every personal detail or jump straight into a high-stakes conversation.

6. Real Data: Variety, Connection & the Orgasm Gap

Let’s talk numbers for a second.

Large-scale U.S. data show that midlife adults engage in a broad range of practices: (SpringerLink)

  • Oral sex ≈ 82–84%
  • Lingerie / “dressing up” ≈ 65%
  • Toys ≈ 47%
  • Anal sex ≈ 38–40%
  • Roleplay ≈ 22–24%
  • Bondage ≈ 14%

So no, couples are not as “vanilla” as they think.

At the same time, the orgasm gap is very real:

  • About 95% of heterosexual men say they usually or always orgasm during sex
  • Compared with about 65% of heterosexual women
  • Lesbian women, by contrast, report orgasm rates closer to heterosexual men (around 86%) (SpringerLink)

And what separates higher-orgasm women from lower-orgasm women?

That same Frederick et al. study found that women who orgasm more often are more likely to: (SpringerLink)

  • receive oral sex
  • have longer duration of sex
  • enjoy more types of stimulation in a single encounter
  • use fantasy, sexy talk, toys, and varied positions
  • communicate about what feels good

In other words: variety + time + communication + meaning.

How Melba lines up with this

Inside the app, episodes are grouped by 10 major categories and can be filtered by:

  • 45 sexual practices
  • 22 accessories (most of which you already have at home)
  • 4 moods
  • 4 tones of voice
  • different locations, genders of speaker, and who is being guided

You can set any practice off-limits at any time, and still have a wealth of options.

With both solo and couples activities, there is a smorgasbord of choice and control when it comes to what you want to do—and how gently or boldly you want to explore.

The result is an experience that matches what the research says actually improves pleasure and orgasm rates, not just what people think “sex is supposed to look like.”

In Conclusion

The findings—and our proprietary dataset—mean it’s no surprise therapists, sexologists and researchers love using and recommending Melba.

A quick recap:

Why does desire shift in long-term relationships?

Because it becomes more reactive to stress, routine and nervous-system overload, so couples need support that helps them feel present and connected again.

What makes the difference?

Science shows that presence, sensate focus, technique variety, novelty, fantasy and nervous-system calming are all proven pathways to reigniting eroticism. Melba brings these methods into real life through guided, in-the-moment experiences.

What is Melba

Melba is a science-backed “intimacy guide” in your pocket turning the best of sex therapy, neuroscience and fantasy research into practical, in-the-moment experiences.

How do couples use it?

By pressing play and letting structured guidance shape attention, reduce pressure, introduce gentle novelty and help partners explore safely and playfully, session by session.

In summary, Melba works because it’s science made practical, very personal, and immediately usable.

So, now you know a bit about the science behind Melba—go ahead and check our sources in the full bibliography, or take a free one-week trial and make yourself the subject of your next sexy experiment.

Bibliography

I. Melba Internal Research (Primary Sources)

  • Carmody, C., & Broto, L. (2025). Sexual desires in midlife: Men vs. women, U.S. vs. France.
  • Carmody, C., & Broto, L. (2025). Sexual behaviours in midlife: U.S. adults 35–65.

II. Foundational Sex Research (Masters, Johnson, Dual Control Model)

III. Nervous System, Somatic & Neuroscience Sources

IV. Sexual Behaviour Prevalence (NSSHB, AARP, Surveys)

V. Desire, Intimacy & Gender Differences

VI. Sexual Fantasies, Novelty & Psychological Meaning

VII. Novelty, Dopamine & Desire (Neuroscience)

  • Berridge, K. C., & Robinson, T. E. (1998). What is the role of dopamine in reward: Hedonic impact, reward learning, or incentive salience? Brain Research Reviews, 28(3), 309–369.
  • https://doi.org/10.1016/S0165-0173(98)00019-5
  • Zillmann, D. (1988). Novelty, arousal, and sexual excitation. In The Handbook of Sexual Behavior.
  • Fisher, H. (2016). Why we love: The nature and chemistry of romantic love. Macmillan.
  • https://helenfisher.com/books/

VIII. Additional Modern Sexual Health Resources

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