Not in a shame spiral way. But in a genuine "is this content modeling healthy sexuality or teaching me terrible habits?" kind of way.

Turns out, researchers have an answer.

The Study

In 2023, a team of international experts led by Alan McKee at the University of Sydney set out to define what makes pornography healthy.

They brought together sexual health researchers, sex educators, and pornography scholars to create criteria that could help people navigate the overwhelming landscape of sexual content online.

The result? Six clear benchmarks that separate porn that models healthy sexuality from porn that doesn't.

1. Consent is negotiated on-screen
Not assumed. Actually shown—with check-ins, enthusiasm, and permission to change your mind.

2. Safe sex is depicted
Condoms, barriers, or explicit discussion of testing and safety.

3. Ethical production
Fair pay, safe working conditions, performers with genuine agency over their boundaries.

4. Mutual pleasure is prioritized
Everyone's genuinely enjoying themselves—not just performing for the camera.

5. Variety of sexual practices
Sex doesn't follow a single script. Different approaches, different ways to connect.

6. Diverse bodies and identities
Real people with different body types, genders, races, ages—not one narrow aesthetic.

Why this matters

For many people, porn has become a default sex educator. The problem? Most mainstream porn skips consent negotiation, rarely shows safe sex, and focuses on performance rather than genuine pleasure.

It's not that watching porn is inherently harmful. It's that most porn teaches patterns that don't translate to satisfying real-world intimacy: one-sided pleasure, no communication, unrealistic bodies, a very narrow script, and performance pressure instead of connection.

When this becomes your primary reference point, it shapes expectations in ways that can undermine real intimacy.

"For many young people, online porn has become a default 'sex educator,'" said Associate Professor Melissa Kang, one of the study's contributors. "Our study has helped identify elements of pornography that could best support healthy sexual development and respectful, consensual, and pleasurable relationships."

How we use this

At Melba, we don't make pornography. We create audio-guided intimacy experiences for midlife couples.

But when we read this research, we realized: these six criteria? We've been following them all along.

Our episodes model consent in real-time. We prioritize mutual pleasure over performance. We include enormous variety—from sensual massage to power dynamics to playful experimentation. And everything we create is produced ethically with clinical sexologist Laurane Wattecamps.

Think of it as the audio version of what ethical visual content could be.

We're gagging for both of you to enjoy. Real consent, mutual pleasure, and huge variety regardless of what sort of sexy body you have. We hope our audio guides will make you both feel like the hottest ethical pornstars in the whole wide world.

Want to explore?

Curious where to find ethical erotica? Here are a few starting points:

Read up on the criteria to understand what to look for in the content you choose.

Try Netflix first if you want something accessible. They have a whole 'steamy' category. Films like Lady Chatterley's Lover (2022) and Fair Play (2023) are surprisingly hot.

Explore ethical porn makers like Erika Lust, Make Love Not Porn, Afterglow or Bellesa if you're ready to see what porn looks like when it's made with intention and respect.

Or skip straight to making your own with our guided episode "We Are Porn Stars". Over 30 steamy minutes a female director helps you create your own audio show together, complete with all the consent, pleasure, and variety you want.

Happy watching

This research gives us a framework thinking and talking about sexual content in a healthy way.

You're not wrong to enjoy porn.  And you're right to think about what porn you consume and how you consume it. n

The best sex—whether onscreen, in audio form, or in your own bedroom—happens when everyone involved is enthusiastic, safe, respected, and genuinely enjoying themselves.

That's the kind of content worth seeking out. And that's the kind of intimacy worth creating.

Ready to explore? Try Melba's ethical audio experiences and create your own show.

Reference

McKee, Alan, Angela Dawson, and Melissa Kang. 2023. “The Criteria to Identify Pornography That Can Support Healthy Sexual Development for Young Adults: Results of an International Delphi Panel.” International Journal of Sexual Health 35 (1): 1–12. doi:10.1080/19317611.2022.2161030.

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